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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, please take them off.
On my tombstone I want it to say: ‘I didn’t forward the text message to 15 friends.” ;)
I can´t wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
I may love you...but everyone else thinks you suck! I was kidding... I think you suck too.
I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that`s good.
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
Would I be in a porno for a million dollars? It depends. What kind of porn? Will my mom see it? Do I have to pay the million all at once?
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
Not that I expect 100% truth in advertising, but shouldn’t those women in the tampon commercials be wielding chainsaws and burning stuff down, not laughing and dancing?
Not so great minds also think alike.
Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]
You know there was a time in my life where I just didn`t give a f#ck.....funny how it seems that much hasn`t changed from an hour ago!!
My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.
People say I`m too patronising (that means I treat them as if they`re stupid).
You know that really private/embarrassing stuff you say to your girlfriend when no one else is around? Her friends know all that sh!t.