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I heard someone say their podcast was on "hiatus", guess that sounds better than "my mom took away my laptop".
We still don`t know sh*t about that airplane. - NEWS
I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
My parents would hide fruit roll ups on top of the refrigerator, where I couldn`t reach them. Then leave chemicals right under the sink.
Sometimes “Girl`s night out” means she has just taken her bra off
I don`t think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated.
Does eating a gas station hot dog counts as a suicide attempt.
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable applications of high explosives.
My girlfriend wants to get married. I hope she finds someone nice.
Nothing screws up your Friday more than realizing it’s only Tuesday.
Every time I do laundry I throw one sock in the garbage, because I lose sh*t on my own terms.
is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
Well, all I have to say is TGIF. (Post this on any day but Friday to get comments)
I`ve found that nowadays most people don`t like holding hands in public. Especially if you don`t know them.
I feel like I`ve passed my "Best If Used By date."