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Why do people with really bad breath always want to tell you secrets?
We can`t deny our basic human instincts, like automatically thinking we kind of already know how to play the harmonica whenever we hold one.
In today`s world, the key to success is to delete your Whatsapp account!
I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don`t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
To-Do List: Nothing [?]
Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.
sex is like a joke, some get it some don`t.....
Shout out to people wondering what the opposite of in is.
If my calculations are correct, I can retire about 5 years after I die.
I`ve reached the age where happy hour is a nap.
My favorite thing to say to old people is, "When I was your age I didn`t believe in reincarnation either".
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them.
Figuring out that you`ll probably never figure it out is the first step of really figuring things out.
I`m broker than the Tooth Fairy in a house full of Meth addicts.
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!