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Checked myself for ticks ... but I didn`t hear anything.
Marriage. Because your sh!tty day doesn`t have to end at work.
Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
Why do the commercials with the husband and wife doing a home improvement project never show the fistfight?
I`ve been single so long now I don`t remember what it`s like for someone to be mad at me for something I didn`t even know it did!
If at first you don`t succeed then maybe you just suck.
POLITICS; from `poly` meaning `many and `Tics` meaning blood-sucking creatures. Just sayin`
In Starbucks a customer went sh*t house rat crazy when they got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot they ordered ... I`m fine now.
Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"? Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it.
I`m a firm believer that if something takes 10 minutes to cook on 200 degrees then it should only take 5 minutes to cook on 400 degrees
I really don`t know what the big deal is about Black Friday. I black out every Friday....
Women my age expect a man to have his sh!t together by now. Time to start dating younger women.
You`re pretty cocky for someone with such a small ... vocabulary.
2015 and I still can`t believe it`s not butter!
If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.