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I hope I never have to run for my life. It wouldn’t end well.
"I love Justin bieber" well I love McDonalds but you don`t see me making an account pretending to be a f*cking chicken nugget do you...
I don’t just say crazy things on the internet, I do that in real life too.
I’m just going to put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
Olive Garden says “When you’re here you’re family”, how could they expect me NOT to think I’m entitled to a free meal.
I`m a beer enthusiast. The more beer I drink, the more enthusiastic I become.
Behind every beautiful woman, is a beautiful behind.
Marijuana is a type of flower, therefore I am a florist not a drug dealer :p
I may not be a veterinarian, but I know a horses a$$ when I meet one.
Why do people say "nice to meet you" before I`ve even said anything? How do you know it`s nice to meet me? I`m an a$$hole.
May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
This year rather than candy for your valentine why not liquor instead.
“Star Wars” fans are very upset that the story line of the upcoming new “Star Wars” movie has been leaked. Apparently the movie starts with R2-D2, Chewbacca, and Han
Thanksgiving: "Let`s give thanks for the stuff we have." Black Friday: "Ok, let`s get all new stuff."
Paperclips: The staple for people with commitment issues.