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If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
Her: Do I look fat? Him: Do I look stupid?...
Just remember the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your talent
Life can be like Chess sometimes. I don`t know how to play Chess.
I`ll never understand why single women waste so much time on dating websites when there are so many eligible bachelors right here in this adult bookstore.
Seriously, how can it be considered stealing when my neighbor’s WiFi signal was trespassing in MY house? I’m the victim here!!
Why is it called when animals attack? It should be called when retarded people go near dangerous animals.
Car horns were invented 1% for safety and 99% because people get pissed off sometimes and need to let a mofo know.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.
Is it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
If you`ve Liked more than 15 of my posts over the past year, I assume you`re okay with me putting you down as a personal reference on this job application, k?
Why can`t Miss Piggy count to 100? Cuz` when she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her throat!
Judging by all of the cologne and shower sets I got for Christmas either people know I like to smell good or I am failing at it.
Any machine is a smoke machine if you just use it wrong enough!
There`s a pretty good chance I`ll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people...