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Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body!
You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
My key to happiness is probably lost somewhere in the junk drawer.
I hate it when I think I`m buying organic vegetables and I get home to discover they`re just regular doughnuts.
I`m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of sh!t, but she broke into someone`s house and just started eating their breakfast.
Make Monday More Fun: Unplug the copier at work and put a sign on it that says “Now Voice Activated!” Sit back and watch the magic unfold..
"The more the merrier": My excuse for extra food.
Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.
Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.
According to serving sizes tonight, I`m a family of 4.
I finally had the talk with my kids. I told them that in the wild animals eat their young so they better get their sh!t together.
You`re never too old to ride in a radio flyer wagon but apparently you can be too fat.
The problem with some people is that they’re alive.