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If you`re going to be a d!ck.. At least be a big one.
People like you are the reason why the middle finger was invented
Watching a funny movie after watching a scary one too try to reduce the risk of nightmares.
Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.
2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead...
I wish more people would give me the silent treatment.
My bank account is more like a countdown to my homelessness
Parallel park, like nobody’s laughing.
What idiot decided to call them marijuana dispensaries and not grass stations?
I have never faked a sarcasm in my entire life!
I hate it when spiders just sit there acting like they pay rent.
Hey Monday+?+(???) +?+
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
Driving a Dodge doesn`t automatically make you a defensive driver.
1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don`t admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening.