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I’m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don’t want to hang out with you now… but I’m still very proud…
I always laugh at myself. If I didn´t, everyone else would be having fun without me.
I fell asleep on the couch last night & woke up thinking I was married.
I see you`re busy. I`ll come back later and ruin your free time.
Trying to figure out why I joined the gym when I have Photoshop.
Checklist: Poke People ? Delete People ? Block People ? Send Friend Requests ? Accept Friend Requests ? Ignore Chats ? Make Stupid Photoshop Pics With My Face ?....Morning chores all done.
I`d better check my phone for texts from friends. *checks phone* Well, I`d better get some friends...
Whoever snuck the s in “fast food” is a clever person.
A communist joke isn`t funny unless everyone gets it.
I just encountered a spider bigger than my desire to be the man of the house.
I have an irrational fear of speed bumps but, I’m slowly getting over it.
If I ever post something on Social media sites that`s not funny or clever, That just means someone hacked my account, Just Saying!
Illiterate? Well then sign up today for free online reading classes!
If you can`t handle me at my worst I completely understand, because I can`t either.
People who learned a bunch of stuff must have felt pretty stupid when Wikipedia came out.