Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
Don`t date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
For all those girls that say `all guys are the same` ... Who told you to try them all? Hoe.
Married 24 years now. All I recall about my wedding day is something about death.
What`s it called when it`s 9:20am and you can`t wait for dinner? Oh, it`s called fat. Nevermind.
Same sex marriage? Heck, I know couples who would be happy with a SOME sex marriage
I`ve seen more pins in the last few days then stone cold steve austin on groundhog day..
I Don’t answer text messages right when I get them so I don’t seem desperate. Then, I forget about them and never respond.
Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.
EVERY Friday is good in my book!
My brain has too many tabs open.
You know there was a time in my life where I just didn`t give a f#ck.....funny how it seems that much hasn`t changed from an hour ago!!
I`ve never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.
Ban pre-shredded cheese! Make America grate again.
I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.