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*Food hits floor* Little Germs: “Let’s get it!”King Germ: “No, we must wait 5 seconds!”
Every woman needs a shoulder to cry on, a shoulder to lean on and a shoulder to hold her bra strap on!!!
Life is not fair. But life is not fair for everyone, which actually makes it fair.
That amazing moment when you smack the remote and it actually works!
Dracula had impeccable hair for a guy who couldn’t see himself in a mirror.
Why is it that whenever I have to turn around in a strange driveway, I feel like they`re gonna come running out with pitchforks and torches?
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
Don`t do it in the Garden, they say love is blind but ur neighbor ain`t.
Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
Okay, If we get caught here’s the story…
If you`re not employed by the Secret Service, there is absolutely no reason to have a Bluetooth on your ear.
Ate too much salad yesterday so I`m going on an Oreos cleanse today.
AWESOME!
Found a note on my door today that said ”You’re Awesome!” ... Yes, I wrote it yesturday. But still, the truth is the truth.
“I’m sorry” and “my bad” mean the same thing… Unless you’re at a funeral.