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If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
Sometimes when i`m following a recipe and it says to bake at 350 degrees, I will turn it up to 355 just to be a rebel.
Just saw that my wife was googling ballroom dancing lessons and now I`m hoping that she`s having an affair.
You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Poetry would be a lot harder if violets were orange.
"Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you." -Honest spam
What`s worse to have stuck in your head; a knife or All About That Bass?
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the heck are you doing?
Why is it called mooning when you`re actually showing uranus?
I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram.
I wouldn`t consider myself someone that litters but I do turn on my windshield wipers while im driving down the road to get rid of that useless flyer some idiot put on my car when I quickly run into the store.
So it turns out being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
I mixed Taco Bell sauce into my Ramen Noodles, It tastes exactly like poverty.
I`m posing nude for an art class. No one asked me to. I think they`re making ceramic bowls.
I didn`t come here to make friends. I go to the cat shelter for that.