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Sadly no matter how hard you try, you can`t mail a fart. Too bad though, because this would actually make paying Bills a lot more fun.
I may contain scenes of violence, nudity and foul language.
Marriage is something you should pay for and divorce should be free. You might think twice before buying into it.
Married sext: I`m not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times
I fart because it`s the only gas I can afford.
The older I get, the more I enjoy being bored.
Life in the fast lane ? Heck, I live in oncoming traffic.
It may appear like I`m doing nothing, but i`m actively waiting for my problems to go away!!!
My favorite thing around the holidays is being put into a group message with 200 people reply "Who`s This"
I`ve had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven`t grown any crops.
people say nobody`s perfect..i made nobody!..
On the 14th of December I`m going to call people and say "7 Days" then hang up...
When I go into a bar I shout out "YOU CHEATING WHORE!" Whoever turns around is who I`m buying drinks for.
Love is like a Hot Pocket: If you rush into it, you`re bound to get burned
Porn can be so misleading. I quit my pizza delivery job after two days.