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Just seen a sign reading "PAY ATTENTION WHILE WALKING your Facebook status update can wait". While on Facebook on my phone. While walking...
If each day is a gift, I`d like to know where I can return Monday.
If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
Remember when AT&T told you to "reach out and touch someone" and you ended up with that restraining order? ... Good times!
It’s like I wanna be left alone but I still want people to notice my absence, you know.
Everyone’s an optimist when it comes to their car’s fuel gauge.
You`ve already put up your Christmas tree? That`s nothing. I`m already drunk for St. Patrick`s Day.
Hell hath no fury like a hungry me.
If you want funny, get off Facebook and watch the news...
I know I don`t look like it but I`m really good looking!
Whoever decided to color underpants white was an idiot.
Depression is wanting to lay down and realizing that you are already laying down.
Politeness has become so rare, that some people mistake it for flirting.