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My neighbors got so weird when I asked how many bodies they thought were buried in their yard. I meant roughly, not like an exact number.
When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
Sorry I`m late, the floor was lava
People say circumcision dosen`t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn`t walk for nearly a year.
Whenever someone tries to get too friendly with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to remind them of where we stand.
I`d say I`m not a morning person but I`m really not sure I`m an evening person either.
I think the guy who invented the word kumquats should have gotten to name more stuff!
If I was a waiter.. I would plant fake engagement rings in every girl`s champagne glass, just to see their boyfriends panic.
I would probably die of sleep deprivation if Facebook added a dislike button
When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight... to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.
Dear Dr Phil, I was watching my next door neighbor`s wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was enjoying myself I turned to notice my lady was just standing there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert?
Iām off for a quiet beer. Followed by fourteen noisy ones.
When you introduce clapping to your dancing you might probably be too old to be in a night club at 1am.
My IQ? ... With google or without?
Hey, chicks who have words tattooed on your tits... We didn`t come here to read.