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A world without women would be a pain in the a$$.
Turbo tax might just be the worst video game I ever played.
"I guess you`re right." - No one on the internet ever
Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!
If Monday had a face, I´d punch it.
People are always weirded out when I take notes during episodes of Dexter.
If you really loved your kids, you would teach them to say their alphabet forwards AND backwards. They`ll thank you later.
I can almost always tell when dinosaurs in movies aren’t real.
loves driving down the road and just waving at random people like you know them!:D
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
You know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved about your spouse when first dating? Well, after 10 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, he`s trying to bust a move.
I may be evil, crazy, insane and f*cking naughty but I do have some good traits, I just don`t dwell on them.
This post was going to be really funny but I didn`t write it down because I was totally sure I`d remember it.
Let’s have a moment of silence for all these guys that tried to walk across power lines but fell because someone tied their shoes together.