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Do not treat a woman like an object. It hates that...
Only thing harder than quitting cold turkey is quitting warm ham. It`s delicious.
My death bed confession is going to be epic!
If the NSA and IRS teamed up, I wouldn’t have to do my taxes.
You`re never too old to be spanked ...If you play your cards right.
my friends status was "standing on the edge of a cliff" ... so I poked him
All those years of getting horrible elementary school pictures was just society`s way of preparing you for your driver`s license photo.
GAL: Would you keep me in your heart forever? BOY: Nop! GAL: (sadly)...why? BOY: Because then you`ll occupy only one part of me...but i`ll keep you in my heart, mind & let you complete me.
Eww!!! Beer does NOT taste good on Cocoa Puffs! ..I`m switching back to my Fruit Loops! ;)
You don`t need to use your words if you`re carrying a machete. People just seem to figure it out.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people who take mini golf seriously.
I`d rather SH!T in my hands and clap!
in wine there is wisdom. in beer there is freedom. in water there is... umm bacteria
Having a pen!s is like having a friend that always wants to play.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets??