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I have found that the best work from home occupation is a bartender
Lottery gives you a 1 in 200M chance of skipping work tomorrow...alcohol is 1 in 5. You play your game...I`ll play mine
Being rich doesn`t equal happiness but i`d rather cry in a ferrari
I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
When you screw up, menopause can be a wonderful excuse for stupid things you do or say!!!
Barbie has an awful lot of things for a girl who`s knees don`t bend.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
I think my credit card looks weird. Could you send me a picture of yours so I can compare?
YouTube is so addicting, I click on a music video and next thing you know I`m watching how to make ice cream.
So, you`re telling me that the Grammys aren`t cute little bags of cocaine?
The only thing my girlfriend blows is everything out of proportion.
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?
Oops, I must have put my personalities on "shuffle"
I once met a guy who was addicted to huffing brake fluid. He said he could stop any time.
Smelling another person should be a choice.