Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why do TV shows say "May contain nudity"? It either does or doesn`t. Don`t make me watch the entire thing and find out the hard way it doesn`t....
Have you noticed that tire stores never hang big banners that say "Blowout Sale"?
when my swear jar gets full I`m going to use the money to buy a f*cking puppy
I dont understand these pregnancy test things, so I took another one just to be sure. Just as I thought, its negitive, we`re not pregnant! Now how am I going to tell my wife she is just fat.
Was the little pig who built his house out of straw some sort of idiot?
Flu (noun) - The only time when having used tissues laying next to your bed is socially acceptable.
Have you ever said something and immediately thought “I didn’t know I knew that."
Apparently "whiskey and wild women" is not an acceptable answer when asked what your weaknesses are during a job interview.
Took the ice from my ice bucket challenge and put it in my whisky.
You seem to have a good grip on reality. You`re new here, aren`t you?
A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.
I’m a fan of saying YOU’RE WELCOME really loudly when people don’t thank you.
The sun and I have an understanding. He gets up before I do.
I got so much Crazy going on that the term "Bi-Polar" would be excessively underestimating my condition, let`s go with "Multi-Polar" from now on.........
Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I`m Confused.