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I`m at my most judgmental when standing behind someone in a buffet line.
I have a hidden talent......I really wish I could find it!
I just gave my ex a big hug which can only mean one thing. That`s right I have the flu and I love sharing.
I try to avoid things that make me look fat, like scales, mirrors and photographs!
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I`m alright, but I feel like, well, like I`ve dyed a little inside.
I go both ways. I like hard AND soft tacos.
Honking your horn won´t make them go any faster, but at least they´ll know that you´re an asshole.
Billion Dollar Idea: An app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
I hate when people try to make small talk on the elevator. "How`s it going?", "How about the weather?", "Where are your pants?".
It`s really cold out there folks. If you`re heading to Wal-Mart, please wear two pairs of pajamas.
I hate when reality happens outside of my head.
Why do pickup truck commercials think it`s very important that I`m able to tow a plane?
Try this... When leaving a fancy restaurant tell the people coming in "I recommend you try the donkey, snail or the squirrel".
Facebook is great, but I still miss the good old days of writing down my random thoughts and sliding them into stranger`s pockets.