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There is a fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
When I try to fold fitted sheets it looks like I’m in an infomercial that’s exaggerating how difficult it is to fold fitted sheets.
Ever work out and think "wow I really needed that"? That`s how I feel about the chocolate chip cookie I just ate.
I`m going to get one of those "My Family" stick figure decals for the back of my car. It`s going to be me, a bottle of whiskey, and a pizza.
The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
Sometimes all you need, is 500 million dollars.
Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
I want the time management skills of people who effortlessly carve out entire hours to be offended by every single thing on the internet.
Don`t mistake my middle finger as an offer.
I want it all and I want it delivered.
I feel like I`ve passed my "Best If Used By date."
October is breasts cancer month. I stare because I care.
Do girls that make duck faces in pictures walk in a V formation at the mall?