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Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
I like the parts of the day when food happens.
Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.
I will stop eating ice cream out of the container once I make it completely level.
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
You’re the reason I wake up everyday... Just kidding I have a job!!
There is no better indication of how drunk you are than how loudly you declare that you`re not.
There are over 10 different flavors of Ramen Noodles, yet they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, nudity, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
Anybody know where the cheapest place to buy 12 red roses is?.....just asking for a friend.
Legalizing same sex marriage. I thought all sex was the same after marriage.
For once in my life, I’d like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my p@nis is.
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
I`m 99% sure you think I`m weird. And I`m 100% sure I don`t care.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for longer than 6 months.