Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A world without women would be a pain in the a$$.
Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
Coaster? You`re assuming I plan to put my drink down...
My doctor told me to start killing people. Well it wasn`t those exact words. He said I needed to reduce the stress in my life.
The woman that just drove past me was either doing a huge yawn or her brakes have failed....
75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
The list of things I won’t eat if covered in chocolate gets smaller everyday.
If a vegan does crossfit which do they talk about first?
I really want to take photos of my friends with their face smushed against glass.. Then make that pic my phone contact for them.. Then when they call, it will look like they`re trapped inside my phone! Oh god my life is pitiful, kill me..
Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.
Sometimes words are not enough. That`s why I always like to keep a baseball bat with me, just in case...
I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mom’s bedroom. I can’t believe it.. She’s a superhero!
To Do List: 1: Buy a knife 2: Call it kindness 3: Kill people with Kindness
There`s a thin line between "I should write a status about that" and "I should talk to my therapist about that"....