Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I don`t `like` your post it`s because I don`t care...
I just passed the local college and saw 3 very fit young ladies with very tight yoga pants walking to class...I have never been so motivated to return to college.
I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.
A friend of mine asked what it`s like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your house. Those bastads live forever.
Don`t believe everything you think.
Unless life hands you water and sugar, your lemonade is gonna suck.
When choosing a name for your daughter, imagine her being announced in a strip club. If she doesn`t need a stage name, pick something else.
Just because you have a beard doesn`t mean you`re a man. Last time I checked vaginas can grow hair too.
If my body was a car, I`d trade it in for a newer model. Cause everytime I cough or sneeze, my radiator leeks and my exhaust backfires.
If someone says "I`m a sub-par golfer" does that mean they`re good at golf, or bad?
Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.
Fun Fact about me: The drunker I get, the more karate I know.
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.