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A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
You look over-medicated. What`s your doctor`s name?
I bet the first person that heard a parrot talk really lost their sh!t.
I spend the first half of work fantasizing about all the different places I could go for lunch.
It’s only a matter of time until “Security Cameras of Wal-Mart” is a reality TV show.
Men think they have it bad, but they`re not the ones having to hold their boobs when they run.
It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced “Haha, f*ck you!”.
I would probably die of sleep deprivation if Facebook added a dislike button
I have some jokes about unemployment but they need some work.
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not a flow chart?
Don`t wait until you`re on your deathbed to tell people how you really feel because you could be too weak to raise your middle finger.
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.
Better late than pregnant.
If you’ve been naughty… go to your room. If you want to be naughty… go to mine.
Sorry I said "nice phone" when you showed me a photo of your baby.