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If you bend over and place your ear next to a girls vagina , you can clearly hear her say "WTF are you Doing!"
Mom: "Why is everything on the floor?" Me: "Gravity, Mom."
The further you push me away, the more I begin to enjoy viewing you from a distance.
I put my phone on airplane mode, and it dragged me out of my seat.
I make way more decisions than I should based on the battery life of my phone.
My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
If you never set it, you always have the excuse, "I overslept because the alarm didn`t go off."
the `real` me doesnt do facebook
Hey Gotham City criminals, why isn’t the first thing on your to-do list “Unplug the Bat Signal”?
How did anybody express anger before the invention of the caps lock key?
With great power comes a great electricity bill.
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
Alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is, "why were you barely conscious on the kitchen floor eating dog food?"
My life coach just informed me that I didnt make the team
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why are you doing this?