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You can`t choose your family but you can choose a hitman.
*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate...
There`s no easy way to steal a watermelon.
I wish I had Shazam for faces...
Really discouraging that there`s still bald people in sci fi movies.
I went to buy condoms and the cashier just said "yeah right" and put em back on the shelf
B!tch, I will slap you by accident on purpose.
Why can`t everyday be football Sunday?
I`m ready to regret having sex with you.
I`m not necessarily saying that I am or am not a super hero, but I do occasionally stand with my hands on my hips.
The well behaved rarely make history.
My bed and I are in a good relationship, and my alarm clock is so0o jealous...
I`ll give up my thesaurus when you pry it from my frigid, frosty, frozen, cadaverous, lifeless, stiff, defunct extremities.
I admit ive been known to wrap bacon in bacon just for the extra bacon flavor
I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane`s dog & she was like, "I`ve never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"