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We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
I just got gas for $1.79... Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew.
Is there another word for synonym?
If one of Santa`s helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?
Was going to watch the presidential inauguration today, but found something more interesting on a different channel. Watched "How cow farts affect the ozone layer" on The Science channel.
Much of my life is a contest to see which of the voices in my head can say the funniest stuff.
Saw a hobo sleeping on a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. Must be his alarm system.
I eat bananas with a fork, so I don`t look gay.
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
I’m tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
One of these days I’ll realize that leaning forward in my car while accelerating does not make it go any faster.
There`s actually a website designed to simulate what it`s like to be the sole survivor of a nuclear holocaust, it`s called MySpace.