Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I made a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number one: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes? Hurt like hell.
Anyone who believes that children are our future has not been to a mall recently.
Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat ... and taking the tartar sauce with you.
The loudest possible way to open a bag of chips is to try and do it quietly.
There were only 3 commandments until Moses’ wife got involved.
I put a pair of boots in the bathroom stall at work so nobody else will use the stall that I like to use.
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
If you`re going take a bathroom picture, at least clean it off. I can`t see anything through all the toothpaste.
I’m a lonely Status. I wish more people liked me.
My parents preferred my imaginary friend over me.
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn`t care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
I`m starting to doubt that all of the people in this singing group are called Carol.
Trust me... You don`t want my undivided attention.
My package finally came today. this is awesome....it means I have bubble wrap to play with
Don’t judge me because I only have $4 in my pocket. Judge me because I stole it off my daughter’s night stand.