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I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
I`m not sure what my spirit animal is, but I`m sure it has Rabies.
Gift cards: The best way to say "Here, you figure it out..."
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch
Whenever there’s an awkward silence, try whispering, “Did you forget your line?”
Based on how I react when the toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
It`s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
I really need a day inbetween Saturday an Sunday
I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on your bus do not go round & round.
Billion dollar idea: A phone that charges using body fat!
I went outside once. The graphics were amazing but the gameplay and storyline were TERRIBLE.
My Superpower is eating 5 times the "suggested serving" size.
Remembering to remember is always the first thing I forget.
The term "chubby chasers" is so inaccurate and misleading. Cause we don`t run.