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If I go missing this holiday season and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at the gym.
If one door closes & another door opens, you’re probably in prison.
I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I wake up feeling like a bounced check.
"Size DOES matter", I whisper to my double stuffed Oreos.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
why waste your brain cells to think of a comment when you can just like someone else`s?
"I get knocked down, but I get up again, You`re never gonna keep me down" ~Bowling pins
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren`t happy.
North West: Daddy what were you famous for? Kanye: rapping. North West: Mommy what were you famous for? ((awkward silence))
I need to learn the rules to make sure I don`t accidently follow them
Yes, I talk to myself...Yes, I answer myself and Yes, I argue with myself....and the makeup sex is awesome.
A cross-eyed teacher has no control over her pupils
I`m telling you, Godzilla must have feet made of steel. I step on a Lego and can`t walk for a month.
It`s spooky how many kids look like their owners.