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I`m sticking to my guns ... I really should have washed my hands after I ate.
Sometimes, I wish I could fast forward the time just to see if in the end it`s all worth it.
I`d feel totally comfortable dating a zombie because I`d know she loved me for my brains and not just my body.
The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Nothing says "I`m behind on child support." like 26" spinning rims on an 86 Chevy Malibu.
We`re all brave until we realize the cockroach has wings
screw flowers, its all about chia pets ;)
I`m combining Easter and April Fools day this year - I`m sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven`t hidden.
Look for my new diet book: "How To Work Out And Watch What You Eat And Still Gain Plenty Of Weight"
Hi there beautiful, can I drive you to drink?
I took a sexual harassment course today, I think this is actually something I might be pretty good at
It`s been an exhausting day of pretending I`m a pleasant person.
The longer I sit in this drive-thru, the more pennies Iām going to pay with.
Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary.
A guy had his whole left side torn off, the doctor said he`s all right.