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I don`t hate anyone. I just don`t like people.
Do stupid people ever hit a point in their life, where they realize they’re stupid?
If you’re going to walk a mile in my shoes… Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge.
I found out why I`m still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.
I`m not crazy I`m just special! No wait maybe I am crazy.. One second, I have to talk to myself about this hold on...
I`ve never said "in all seriousness" and actually meant it.
Just so I`m sure to make friends, I like to walk in the bar carrying a handful of phone chargers.
Maybe the reason the world keeps making idiots famous is because 75% of the world is made up of idiots.
I think you know you’ve got a problem when every letter of the alphabet triggers a porn bonanza in your address bar.
i make the other half of the Oreo watch.
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
When you leave store without buying anything and all you can think is `keep calm, you`re innocent`.
I inherited my dad`s sense of humor. He`s not funny either.
Stop leaving me messages. If I ever wanted to talk to you again, I wouldn’t have borrowed all that money.