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When someone is in a bad mood, I like to help matters by pointing out several times that they seem to be in a bad mood.
When we catch the people who kill elephants & rhinos, can we pull all their teeth first?
Who cares about throwing stones? How do people in glass houses hide when somebody knocks on the door?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
I want to be rich enough to realize that I can’t buy happiness.
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
People are always gonna talk about you, so you might as well give them something good to say.
No matter how old you are, If a little kid shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to die.
Whenever someone says to me “Things could be worse” I punch them in the face and say “Like that?”
I’m an organ donor, but I’m pretty sure all they’re going to use is my liver for “after” photos.
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I`m the proud owner of aisle 7.
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.
They should`ve added "Might lose a lot of sleep" in Facebook`s terms & conditions before signing up.