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I am creating the first ever "flavored windows". They should make some of you very happy.
I`ve got to remember to tie a string around my finger!
If anyone could read my mind I`m pretty sure they`d be traumatized for life.
honestly I`ve never seen a tombstone that read "died from not forwarding a text to 10 people"
What`s the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller" ?
There comes a time in the day, when no matter what the question, the answer is booze.
If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime", say "I`m ready to hang out now" and watch them panic.
I`ve been told that I can be condescending... that means that I tend to talk down to people.
Some days there just isn`t enough give-a-damn.
Nothing is more discouraging that unappreciated sarcasm.
"How many people work at your company?" About half of them.
My girlfriend just accused me of being unfaithful. I told her that is ridiculous and that she is starting to sound like my wife.
I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....
I wish that life had an option for viewing other available episodes.
My whole life is based on a true story...