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Falling in love is lot like dying, you never get to do it enough to become good at it.
I`m kind of clueless about pop culture. I thought "Hogwarts" was an STD
Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
No body on there deathbed said I wish I had spent more time at work
It`s not a mental breakdown if the police wasn`t called.
Phrases I hope to avoid in my obituary: “skeletal remains,” “dumpster,” “almost beyond recognition,” “dental records” and “shallow grave.”
I`m 42 years old and I still have no idea what I would do if a kangaroo entered my bedroom in the middle of the night.
I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I`m not a good liar.
To skip any youtube ad just change ‘youtube’ to ‘youtubeskip’ in the url of any video. You’re welcome.
Make yourself indispensable at work by hiding everything.
I probably shouldn’t have driven home from the bar last night ... Especially as I walked there in the first place.
Why isn`t cat food made from birds, mice and squirrels??
Most of life is waiting for whatever you`re at to be over.
Those 5 donuts I ate are really going to give me an extra boost during my workout today.