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Your baby was cute until I realized you’re on the same flight as me. Now your baby is stupid.
I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I`m biologically driven to want to reproduce with you and I`m temporarily delusional."
To error is human, to forgive is divine, to keep your damn mouth shut is much appreciated.
If a man speaks at sea where no women can hear, is he still wrong?
Please: No,No.No-More about how you think relationships should be: we`ve got it , Your Single,,- get off facebook and go take your own expert advise...
United Airlines.... Board as Doctor, leave as patient.
Why are we still testing on animals when there are pedophiles in prison.
Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.
I`m "got my sexual education from a 2 Live Crew cassette tape" years old.
It`s fun to chant "Bloody Mary" three times into your car`s side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up
My wife complains about everything I do. It`s like she doesn`t know there are "Sexy singles in my area" that want to meet with me.
I woke up feeling strange this morning...I felt Rested and Relaxed so I immediately Googled my symptoms. Turns out I had a `Sleep in` Apparently it`s not harmful but may be addictive. . .
Screw doing situps...teddy bears don`t and everyone loves them.
I want you to know that whatever problems you`re having, I`m here to read about it on Facebook
A police officer just knocked on my door to tell me my dogs were chasing kids down the road on bikes.. Umm.. My dogs don`t even own bikes?