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I really need a long road trip, top down, in the Jeep...with a cooler....loud music....and an extra cooler in case the first one isn`t enough
I kind of like it getting dark so early because it gives me a great excuse to just stay inside and watch TV.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I`d be like "Sit your translucent a$$ down, I have a lot of questions!"
List of things I’ve accomplished today: 1. Accomplishments List
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
When I get a prescription for drugs, I don`t ask, `Will it work? Are there any side effects?` No, it`s `Can I drink with these?`
The worst part of quitting drinking is how few excuses you have for your behavior
EVERY Friday is good in my book!
I do love you for your mind, I just like your mind a lot more when you’re naked.
LIFE always offers you a second chance,its called TOMORROW
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
You never really know if you`re over someone until you`re in the car and they`re in the crosswalk.
I hate fake people...especially the ones at the mall advertising clothes in front of the stores
President Donald Trump will sign an executive order tomorrow to bring back Pluto as a planet. Make the universe GREAT again.
All I want is a little more than I’ll ever get.