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A recent survey revealed that 4 out of 5 women think I`m an a-hole...
When someone asks if you lost weight, the correct response is always, "no, it just seems like it to you because you got fatter."
A new study says schizophrenia and pot smoking are genetically linked — but don`t worry, another study says you`re just being paranoid.
A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it over and over.
Who ever said technology will replace paper.....has obviously never tried wiping their a$$ with an IPAD.
Legos are practice for when you get older & buy Ikea furniture
They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.
Not to brag, but I’m pretty good in bed. I don’t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
I hate mosquitoes, I mean I know I’m delicious but damn.
I`m never free but I`m available.
I’m not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on.
Judging by the commercials, only old white guys with sailboats can suffer from erectile dysfunction.
Two things that most people want. 1. Lose weight 2. Eat
I carry a knife, but it`s just in case of cake.