Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.
I just got gas for $1.79... Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update bar as the search bar on my browser.
If I was Neil Armstrong landing on the moon, "That`s one small step for man," would have been, "Screw you every girl who ever shot me down!"
Don`t be sad laundry, nobody`s doing me either.
Don`t act like your not impressed.
Are headaches the result of time spent with woman or is it purely a coincidence?
My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.
You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.
You`ve got to love yourself. But not in public places.
Having a mohawk used to mean you were tough. Now it means you’re a 3 year-old with annoying parents.
If all men are created equal then why are there midgets?
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
I don`t run away from my problems. That`s immature. I ignore them.
Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour, teach him how to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.