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Some days are just not meant to be productive.
Never assume coz u wil make an "ass" out of "u" and "me"
Saw a midget go into a store while wearing a KKK outfit and thought... That`s a little racist.
Today I think I`ll go to a public restroom and wait until someone leaves, then click your stopwatch and write something down in a notebook.
They say you`re not supposed to go to the grocery store when you`re hungry. It`s been several days now, what should I do?
why call it ordering pizza and not the pursuit of happiness
When a movie says "Based on a true story." it means this is sort of what happened but with way uglier people.
Break the ice in a crowded elevator by asking how much everyone weighs.
No, I’m not funny. I’m just really mean and everyone thinks I’m joking.
I`m so pissed right now! I`m about to open a can of... Wait…WTF??!! Since when did they start putting child-proof lids on the cans of whoop-ass? A little help please...
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you`re nuts.
Why did the mushroom go to the party because he was the fungi
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be totally impossible!