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That awkward moment when there`s not a single awkward moment
A baby`s laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear, Unless it`s 3am. And you don`t have a baby, And you`re home alone.
Don`t care what your religious or political beliefs are, if you`re male or female, young or old. I will tackle you hard for that last donut.
Alcohol and calculus don’t mix… Don’t drink and derive!
why would you go outside? that`s where bugs live
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways
Apparently, I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
Not to brag but my bank says I have an outstanding balance.
I don`t think my neighbor knows my rule about not interacting unless we`re both pointing at the same tornado.
Just one more drink and then I`m outta here" is one of my favorite lies.
Husband for sale: 1972 model, white in colour, a bit hard on gas but comes with a spare tire.
I wish I could select all my responsibilities and press delete.
Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.
Underachieving Sunday through Wednesday, overachieving Thursday through Saturday.
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!