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I need me a pretty girl with an ugly girl personality
Marriage teaches you a lot about yourself. For instance, I`ve learned that I don`t need to use so many paper towels, and they`re expensive.
I`ve got to remember to tie a string around my finger!
superbowl: the only time I actually look forward to watching commericals.
I slept with my best friend’s wife last night and now I feel terrible. …. ….. She must have given me a cold or something.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
The best curve on a girl is her smile ;) ... Lol just kidding!
Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in. Those inside are desperate to get out
Would you like to save money on your car insurance? Walk ... Just sayin
Being alive is so expensive.
I`ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
My posts come from a dark place.. I haven`t paid my light bill in 3 months.
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.
Gravity didn`t seem this strong twenty-five years ago.
I’m not always rude. Sometimes I’m sleeping.