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Does anyone know where the off switch on a child is? I can’t seem to find it.
Never assume coz u wil make an "ass" out of "u" and "me"
You know you`re old when you think "pokemon" is a gay rastafarian
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks I should skip work tomorrow.
Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.
Nobody on television curses more than the Roadrunner.
I don`t understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their facebook status to "single." I fight with my parents but you don`t see me change my status to "orphan."
Nothing hides your feelings like the backspace key.
If anyone is interested I`ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 6:00pm until I get escorted out by security.
I woke up feeling strange this morning...I felt Rested and Relaxed so I immediately Googled my symptoms. Turns out I had a `Sleep in` Apparently it`s not harmful but may be addictive. . .
Coffee eyedrops! Another million dollar idea.
Cats would be even more stuck up if they knew how much the internet loves them.
If I ever start a band, I`m going to call it The Voices in My Head. Think of all the fun ways you can tell other people what you`re listening to...
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?
I bet if you asked a one-eyed person, they`d tell you it really WAS all fun and games up until that point.