Daily Silly Status

Now accepting applications for partners in crime. Please read all fine print:adult language and partial nudity may be required.

I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.

I´m the kind of person that when my feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, "OH CRAP, HE´S UP"!

Missed Connection: You were standing at the RedBox. I was in my car self pleasuring. I accidentally honked like 8 times.

The only candy I crush are empty cold ones.

Pool party at my house, bring ur own pool..

I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)

I’m not shy, I’m just really good out figuring out who is not worth talking to.

So can we just skip to summer now?

I was on the treadmill for 20 minutes this morning. Tomorrow I might even turn it on, but let’s not rush into things.

Dear Dr Phil, I was watching my next door neighbor`s wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was enjoying myself I turned to notice my lady was just standing there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert?

GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.

When non-smokers come to My house....I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke

My wife can suffer in silence louder than anyone I know.

I hate it when I meow at cats and they don`t meow back. Unbelievably rude