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I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
I love Halloween because it`s the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.
I bet if the movie "mirrors" releases part 3, the 1st victim will die while trying to take a selfie
I don`t just burn bridges, I drain the lake, fill it with concrete, and build a shopping mall on that bitch!
I can`t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
Whenever I give money to the homeless, I get yelled at that "they are just gonna buy booze with it". All I can think is ... Oh like I wasn`t ..
Of course bears sh!t in the woods, they do most of their stuff in the woods, very few bears own a house.
I`ve got a Tootsie Pop and seven hours until the aviary notices their Spotted Owl is missing. Let`s do this!
My best stories always end with the words ... "and then I got the hell out of there."
My body is by no means a temple but it can be one heck of a amusement park ride...
I hate it when I have guests at my house and they ask "Do you have a bathroom?" No, we poop in the yard.
What’s the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?