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I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
Computer froze? Just press all the keys.
so I got really drunk last night, but I was good and took a bus home. the only problem I have now is I dont remember where I put the keys to the bus.
Now what`s funny is "Si" from Duck Dynasty
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
I dreamt I was you..I hated myself. Luckily I woke up..woah that was close.
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
Home is where a man hangs his hat. Unless that man is wearing a sun visor. Then he probably dosent have a home or friends..
Reckon the first person to make popcorn by accident probably ran away
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
I can`t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend
Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I know where you can buy drugs"
It’s amazing how easily “I have 10 minutes to waste before I need to leave” accidentally turns into “oh crap I’m running late.”
If banks were as fiercely regulated as McDonalds breakfast cut off time, there’d be no problems.
If you read my entire Facebook timeline from the beginning, you can witness my descent into madness