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You all take typos way too serious, you gays.
I think on December 21 all the power companies should shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people flip out.
My nephew asked me what marriage was like. So I gave him a candy bar and told him not to eat it.
I`m on this great new diet called "sleep through breakfast"
At this point I`m guessing the North only won the Civil War because the South got half an inch of snow and they completely lost their minds
I can’t hang out tonight because I’m done with people for the day.
If you answer the phone and say "Hello, you`re on the air." most telemarketers will hang up quickly.
Afraid of not getting what you ordered when online shopping…..Ha, try online dating
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.
If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it`s considered responsible. But if you do that with your gf, it`s called "cheating."
There`s a big difference between a mechanic and a surgeon when they work on a tranny.
My favorite thing around the holidays is being put into a group message with 200 people reply "Who`s This"
Dreams are like pictures. I don`t care about yours unless I`m in them.
My friend bought some new floral underwear today. I asked her why she bought `floral` underwear to which she replied "its in memory of all the faces that have been buried there".