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Just woke up next to my bed. Not sure if I fell out or didn`t quite make it in.
I can`t wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
They should start selling Photoshop CD`s at cosmetic shops.
This nude beach would be great!...if I wasn`t the only one participating.
One day my fridge will take revenge on me by opening my bedroom door every half hour, staring at me for a few minutes and then leave.
Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep, 9 if you`re ugly.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.
I think I like mornings best when they start in the afternoon.
I just sent out my daily text to a random number saying "I hit Zack with my truck. I`m going to need to use your hacksaw to cut him up.
My girlfriend isn`t much of a wrestler but you should see her box!!
You think you have problems, I used a toothpick to get a toothpick out of my teeth this morning.
News flash! someone just found Carmon Sandiego!
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food. :)
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke break a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.