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Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
I have over 500 facebook friends, and i want to say that i love you all...except for number 376 ..you`re a real a@@hole!!
Guys you should never overreact when you hear the words, " The babysitter is late."
Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.
"Do you have a charger?" is the new "Could I bum a cigarette?"
If you`re going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty
Whenever I`m feeling down... I try to make sure my nails are clipped.
Is anyone going to tell America`s funniest videos about YouTube?
Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus…and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?
Those beards make the Red Sox look like they`re going to a Civil War reenactment as Confederates.
I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I`m confused about how many at night?
If you want to bribe me food and beer works.
Coca Cola: Because drinking black water seems like a solid life choice.
If they gave out awards for laziness, I would have to send somebody to accept it for me.