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I try to explain to my kids during the movie that in reality, even a cowardly lion would eat a girl and a little dog.
Why must the phrase, "It is none of my business" always be followed by, "but"?
Just burned 2000 calories. That`s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap.
The bed is always the comfiest right at the time you are supposed to be getting out of it
Before McDonald`s I bet "don`t buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule.
You haven`t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time…
You could`ve told me that wasn`t your real name before I got the tattoo.
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
I will be responsible for my actions when my actions become more responsible.
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.
Men think us women dream of finding the perfect man when really, all we want is to eat anything without getting fat.
Isn`t it weird when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected.
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn’t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.