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People who can finish a shampoo bottle at the same time as their conditioner are truly ninja`s.
I saw a guy today at Starbucks. He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop. He just sat there drinking his coffee. Like a psychopath.
Before I die, I`m putting fake treasure maps behind all my picture frames.
Give a kid a Pop Tart and they eat for a day. Teach a kid how to make a Pop Tart and you sleep in all summer
Why do bras and batteries come in the same sizes?
slugs are snails that are going through a divorce
There’s nothing worse than getting $0.99 back in change.
My credit card company called. They want me to leave home without it.
Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!
They don`t even serve apples at Applebee`s. Or bees.
Is anyone going to tell America`s funniest videos about YouTube?
Today is National Fritters Day. I don`t know what that means, so I just went naked today. Gotta be something like that.
They say laughter is the best medicine... found out that`s not true for treating diarrhea.
There are no words to describe how I feel about you... Good thing God invented the middle finger.
A day without sunshine is like, you know... night