Daily Silly Status

*Removes smoke detector battery *Cooks in silence

I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.

When my boss is in town, I set out pictures of kids on my desk. They aren`t my kids but he`d never fire a Mom of seven, right?

I never owned a telescope, but it`s something that I`m thinking of looking into.

I don`t always say `oops`, but when I do, it`s usually ten minutes after I have a brilliant idea.

In a 500-day period I could theoretically meet someone, get married, have a baby, and get divorced–and yet I’d still be using the same box of Q-tips.

Trust me ...... I can`t believe I`m still here either.

I don`t think America should elect a president in 2016. We need to be single for a few years and find ourselves.

Actually according to chemists, alcohol IS a solution…

You know its going to be a b!tch of a day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.

We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids, a game known to most other people as being poor.

You know you`re an alcoholic when the only Holiday cards that you get are from your neighborhood pubs.

I`m going to invent a cleaning product that kills .1% of all germs and bacteria. It doesn`t sound very effective, but I`m going to get it placed right next to all the other cleaning products that kill 99.9% of all germs and bacteria.

I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.

i made a chicken salad the other day. little bastard didn`t even eat it.