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How the hell do you call Batman during the day?
If you ever Google "Grandfather Clock", be careful how you spell that sh!t.
In today`s world, the key to success is to delete your Whatsapp account!
I wish I could use Shazam to identify people when I cant remember their name.
If I ran NASA, it would be mandatory for the ground crew to be dressed as apes when the space shuttle lands.
Yeah, you go ahead and climb that mountain "because it`s there", I am going to eat this Pizza "because it`s here"................................
If only my ceiling fan could hold my weight, then I would never be bored again.
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
I can`t wait to get home and have make-up sex! ... I`ve been arguing all day with myself.
Crazy people are never aware of their own insanity. Iām so glad Iām not a crazy person.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend.......who`s in with me?
Today everything gets answered by the magic eight ball
I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I`m in.
If your having a bad day, remember that somewhere on this big planet, someone just lost their straw in a capri sun!!
You can either wear granny panties OR yoga pants - not both. Pick one.