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The best thing about telepathy is…I know, right?
Sometimes, late at night in the market..i switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
Why don`t we ever hear anyone bragging about their Allstate safe driving bonus checks?
I wanna be skinny but I also want to have pizza for breakfast lunch and dinner, you feel me?
If you have a tattoo on your face, you`ve lost the right to ask me what I`m looking at.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I`d be like "Sit your translucent a$$ down, I have a lot of questions!"
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
I`m always extra nice to the weird kid, so one day he`ll spare my life when he finally snaps.
I meant to make you a rum cake but somehow I made you a plain cake and now I’m drunk.
If you win a years supply of calendars, you would only win 1 calendar.
Online personality tests are pretty self-explanatory… If you’re taking the test, chances are you don`t have one.
If you can’t be a good example, then you’l just have to serve as a horrible warning
My bank lets me send a text message and it will text back with my balance. Its a cool feature but I didn`t think the LOL was necessary.
I would`ve thrown a coin in the water fountain and wished for all the money in it, but I just waited `til it was dark instead.
It`s 2013. With all the hormones in food and advances in medical technology, why are there still girls with less than C cup boobs?