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The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
Click Like, if you hate being told what to do.
I’ve been a sucker for boobies since the day I was born.
The final stage of adulthood is when you start saying, "Oooh, that breeze feels nice."
The hardest part of being a gentleman is going to all of these gentlemen’s clubs.
I just wanted you all to know that I’m leaving Facebook. This ride has been a blast and I’ve made a ton of friends who I really do consider friends in the truest sense. Your humor and wit is amazing. I’ll miss all of you, but I’ve decided I need to spend more time with my family. So... see you after breakfast
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek.
If no one from the future comes back to stop you, is it really that bad of an idea?
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
Why doesn`t, "I have a headache!" work for when I don`t want to mow the yard?
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do... And for those who like country music, denigrate means ‘to speak badly of`.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes and sighing heavily and crossing her arms and holding in a fart.
News flash! someone just found Carmon Sandiego!
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.