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Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I`m typing this with my middle finger.
Who the hell is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?
The problem with the world today is that intelligent people are too smart to have children.
This year for Lent I`m giving up hanging out with all the people who gave up drinking for Lent.
is spending my children´s inheritance.
I just stepped on a cornfkake does that make me a cereal killer ?
Apparently there is no age limit on ignorance.
I`m not drunk ... But I`m working on it.
People are always gonna talk about you, so you might as well give them something good to say.
Hate cleaning my floors...how fast would I go to hell if I got a blind roommate and replaced his cane with a swiffer?
If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
Since joining Facebook, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.
My body needs a refresh button.
It was so cold out today i actually saw a few gangsters with their pants pulled up.
is ready to have one too many!