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That urge you get to write “No one gives a crap” on someone’s status.
When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
Love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then listening to it over and over again till you hate that song.
I`m constantly bombarded with requests to check out `Candy Crush`… well I`ve spent hours searching the porn networks… I can`t bloody find her!
Why would you pay $80 for a bra at Victoria’s Secret when I can hold your boobs up all day for free.
u smile i smile u laugh i laugh u cry i`ll go get a bat and say who`s gonna get it
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
You know what makes sex awesome? Actually having it.
If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes I don`t think this relationship is going to work.
All I ask for is a chance to prove money can`t make me happy.
I love my six pack abs so much that I cover them with a layer of fat .
Can you imagine if Facebook and Twitter just decided to shut down and you see all these confused people coming out of their house squinting at the sun.
9 of 10 voices in my head telI me I `m crazy. One hums ...
Thank God for Facebook otherwise we would never know what fireworks look like.
I hate it when I open Facebook and miss a week of work.