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Never judge a man ’till you’ve driven a mile with his wife.
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren`t we helping to find them?
Guess what I saw today? ... Everything I looked at.
I have the rest of my life to be an adult.
"is Pepsi ok?" - my coke dealer, tryin to be funny
Wisdom for the day is , hot cheetos are not breakfast.
Dear future husband, here’s a few things you need to know If you want to be my one and only all my life. I will not be an ex wife .. only a widow
How come dogs aren’t ticklish?
Finally realizing that Hotel California is about Facebook. “…you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave…”
Instead of `What`s on your mind?` Facebook should say `Just relax on the couch and tell me all about your problems. Don`t worry, nobody will know`..
What is it about being blind that makes people want to walk their dog all the time?
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....
I don`t care how loud I`m laughing, I`m having fun and you`re not.
Me: I`m gonna lose weight. Me: I`m gonna exercise every day. Me: I`m gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?
I asked my wife if we could get a hot young nanny. Of course she got mad and said "No!". For one thing, we don`t have any kids...