Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet as long as I don`t eat anything else today and tomorrow.
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??
It may look like I’m having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
Sadly, I don`t think anyone has Wang Chunged once tonight... :(
Dear Haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at me for...please be patient.
I always get a nice safe feeling whenever I see a police car and I realize I`m not driving around with a trunkful of cocaine.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it`s wide use three fingers, make sure it`s wet and rub up and down. Yep that`s how you wash a cup.
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
Lets not kid ourselves, if the zombie apocalypse broke out, there are a couple people we would swear were zombies so we could shoot them
If you find a four-leaf clover it means you have entirely too much time on your hands.
I can`t believe that it`s the year 2012, and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
Love is like a Hot Pocket: If you rush into it, you`re bound to get burned
Pizza doesn’t ask questions. Pizza understands.
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.
Hey, chicks who have words tattooed on your tits... We didn`t come here to read.