Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I always read my wife`s Horoscope to see what kind of day I`M going to have...!!
Diet goal: I want to lose just enough so that my hand will fit comfortably in a Pringles can...
Whoever invented marriage was creepy as hell. Like, hey you, I love you so much, I`m gonna get the government involved so you can`t leave.
I swear I heard my dentist whisper "yolo" as he reached for a chisel...
FYI: The signs that say "Falling Rocks"....I tried it.....it doesn`t.
I once got a ride home from the pizza guy by ordering 1 pizza to be delivered to the bar and 1 to my house. Pretty sure i deserve an award.
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
Apparently when a trainer asks you why you want to get in shape and you answer "revenge" it will raise a couple eyebrows.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there.
Nothing changes a Facebook relationship status faster than a weekend full of tagged photos!
Can only please one person a day. Today isn’t your day
I`d take Cap`n Crunch more seriously if his eyebrows weren`t on his hat.
What idiot called it a driver`s test and not a Game of Cones?
I just got a piece of mail that says "open immediately" but I`m gonna wait a few minutes.
"That girl is totally checking you out" said vodka. -Bfanch