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I wish my mind had a delete button.
Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl`s whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
If someday we all go to prison for downloading Movies and TV shows, I just hope they split us up by genre.
There`s no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.
Girls here`s how to tell if a guy wants you for sex - 1: He does
I like them big and fake. ~Me talking about Christmas trees
Cooking Tip: If you`re tired of always having to boil water everytime you make pasta, boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later ... you`re welcome!
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
The guy who invented the Time Machine has just died.... RIP DAVE JONES 2187-2014
I hate it when TV shows say they contain “adult situations” but then don’t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid’s vomit.
Is it just me or do mirrors look really sexy?
Someone just called me normal, I`ve never been so insulted in all my life!
Girl scout cookies suck! I ate like 20 boxes of thin mints and I`m not any thinner.
Pizza doesn’t ask questions. Pizza understands.
There’s no such thing as being ready for vacation to be over.