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If I had a time machine I`d go back to 900 A.D. and just scare the sh!t out of people with an electric toothbrush.
Video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
Think you`re going crazy? When you get there, look for me and I`ll show you around.
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
The more photos you have to untag, the better the weekend was.
The art of taking a self pic fast enough that no one sees you. The Stealthfie.
Strip search? ... Fine, but I`m going to need some background music.
Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it
Sometimes when it rains I go outside with a cocktail umbrella and pretend I`m a Giant.
It`s really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches...
My doctor said I need to workout with dumb-bells. Would any of you like to go jogging with me?
Learning to "stop drop and roll" in elementary school lead me to believe catching on fire would be a much more frequent problem in life.
I was always a believer in evolution....then I spent an hour at Walmart and now I`m not so sure
No matter what I get, it’s impossible not to sound like a douche when saying my order at Starbucks.
Give a man a fish & he`ll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That`s weird" Teach a man to fish & he`ll be all "Again with the fish?"