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I think I`m gonna shave my legs so that there`s less wind resistance when I run to the fridge for a beer.
It`s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
It`s almost Valentines Day and I still don`t know what to get myself yet.
Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
My downstairs neighbor thinks I`m a little creepy and that I overstep my bounds. At least that`s what she wrote in her diary.
I`m watching Godzilla tonight.... His parents asked me to babysit
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering.
Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.
If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not your true friends.
They need to put more spider poison in hairspray.