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If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
I`m as nutty as a squirell fart
There are two types of people in the world: 1. People who understand and appreciate sarcasm. 2. Morons.
Sometimes I order Domino`s but give them Pizza Hut`s address. And when they show up and start fighting, I just wait with my mouth open.
Thought cartoons were getting better. Turns out it was a news story about Justin Bieber.
It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they`ve beat you to it!
How did the inventor of the clock know what time it was?
Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
I only drink on two occasions; when its my birthday and when its not.
Fun: text a friend "Are you alone right now?" They go "Yes." Then u text back LOL
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
As i get older i realize I do a LOT more YOGA...attempting to tie my shoelaces
If you wake up with a funny taste in your mouth on christmas morning...............just remember that santa only cums once a year. :D
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
I deserve an Oscar for my performance in "Holy crap this is a terrible gift but I`ll pretend to love it."