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People around me think I`m losing it. So today, I had to sit myself down and have a talk.
You seem to love cocktails... or part of it.
I`m afraid to hug fat girls....what if they`re hungry?
The best way to deal with dumb people is to never leave your house sober
Pick a woman with wits. Wits will never sag.
If you really think about it, "Nightlife" is just a fancy word for drinking alcohol at a place that isn`t your house.
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
If I`m guilty of anything, it`s loving too much. And several outstanding speeding tickets. But mostly loving too much.
If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they can`t have a headache and sex at the same time?
Worried that you may have a stalker? Shut up and just be happy someone likes you.
Morning comes in 3 sizes: 1) Early. 2) Too early. 3) Way too early
Things could be worse ... sex could be fattening
I`d totally order a salad bar. If it had lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, ketchup, mustard, hamburger and buns.
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?
Just discovered an app that tells you which one of your friends is stupid. It`s called Facebook.