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I wrote you this love poem: Here, just take my credit card.
Pandora has spoiled me. Five seconds into any conversation and I`m looking for the thumbs-down button.
Make your day more fun by going up to a stranger and asking "Hey, how have you been since the amnesia?"
I`ve been taking viagara for my sunburn........ It doesn`t cure it...... but it does keep the sheets off my legs at night.
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
this is a status you spent your time reading: sj
The secret to happiness is a good sense of humor and a bad memory.
"Thank God!!! They are finally taking these damn rubber bands off." -The last thing a lobster thinks.
Hope you get down and funky on this the day of your birth!!
I like to stand 20 ft in front of the Walmart greeter and greet people before he gets a chance.
The best thing about having male genitals is sharing it with people who don`t.
I think my “check engine” light has finally burned out. So that’s good.
Just witnessed kids playing tag. What is this world coming to? Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise?
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they`ll dig the wrong way. It`s called thinking ahead guys.
If something rolls off of my plate... I eat it first, as punishment for trying to run away.