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I’m shy at first, but once I’m comfortable with you get ready for some crazy sh!t.
Do you know what sexual position produces the ugliest children? ... Go ask your mother.
I like to pee on car windows in subzero weather, happy scraping
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don`t call it Liam then what is even the point of you
Regardless of how much time you think you waste, just know that someone created a very detailed Wikipedia page for Grumpy Cat.
Some days the problem is I care too much... Today was not one of those days...
"The Twilight Zone" makes me long for the days when you could smoke on a spaceship.
Dear IRS…I would like an itemized receipt showing me exactly how every one of my tax dollars is being spent. Thanks.
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
After the doctor left the exam room from my prostate exam. The nurse came in with three words I didn`t want to hear. "Who was that?"
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D
I don`t need WebMD to tell me what`s wrong with me, I have my mother.
If you wear your old prom dress to the pharmacy, they`ll fill your antidepressants faster.
My friend`s Jeep was broken into and she acted so surprised about it. Your car is held together by zippers! It`s as secure as my pants.