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Just checked my Farmville for the first time in 2 years... It`s now a Walmart.
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
The longest 10 seconds of my day is when I have to hold down the button on an electronic thing to turn it off
Facebook taught me to mind everyone else`s business.
I’m going to the gym because I heard they have free weights. I wonder how many they’ll let me take?
After opening this month`s electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happened to me, only with beer.
Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy.
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
Guys, freedom of speech doesn`t mean you can spell things any way you want to.
You know you drank too much last night when you have to use google maps to locate yourself the next morning.
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It’s not like a murderer will come in thinking “I’m gonna ki..-ahhh. Damn, he’s under a blanket.”
RIP to my hair dryer. It was the only thing to blow me for the last 10 years and never complain.
My butt decided to go big instead of go home.
The important thing to remember is that nobody asked you.