Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m about as lost as lesbian on ChristianMingle.com
for some reason my plans to workout never work out
I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
I knew I`d be a great parent. Kids aren`t nearly as difficult to take care of as my drunk friends.
When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure, When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure, When you drink Whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems, When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems. Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
The ultimate home security system is having crappy stuff.
Being an adult is basically a "choose your own adventure" book, but every choice sounds terrible.
They say you need about 2000 calories a day. Ok, time to do math. 65 calories in one fluid ounce of Jack Daniel`s means i need 30 shots tonight.
That awkward moment when your parents don’t appreciate the hilarious child they have.
Some people never go crazy...... What truly horrible lives they must live
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
That sound the Ketch-up make when you squeeze out the last drop, NEVER fails in making people laugh
The heart wants what the heart wants. *opens 12th beer*
“Is it food time yet?” = The summarization of most of my thoughts.
Sorry I shouted "MORTAL KOMBAT!" when you started arguing with your husband at the grocery store