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Have you ever looked at your ex and wondered...WAS I drunk the whole time?
I’m not fat... my stomach is 3D.
Save water. Shower with me. ;)
I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
my boss told me to start the presentation with a joke,so I showed my payslip.
You say mystery bruise, I say drinking badge of honor.
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
Being fat = Lowers your chance of getting kidnapped.
Have you ever held your money and thought "I hope this hasn´t been up a stripper´s butt"
If you lose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
If I get hurt playing Wii Sports, that`s still a sports injury, right?
My bed is half full - Lonely optimist.
Are you bored? Go to someone`s Facebook wall, Scroll down 4 months and like something.
Every photo taken inside my house has at least one laundry basket in the background.
They say you need to listen to what your body is telling you. But mine just points and laughs.