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Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.
9 out of 10 doctors will agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
For all of you who gossip about me: Thanks for making me the center of your world.
My wife let me remove all her clothes last night ... From the dryer
The question isn’t who is going to let you; it’s who is going to stop you.
I go both ways. I like hard AND soft tacos.
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
Ghetto wet floor sign: Caution Bitches Be Trippin
The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
If you forget your hook-up’s name, just take them to Starbuck’s in the morning.
U.S.A.... where people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke
Car alarms should sound like two chicks in a fight. I`d look out the window for that.
A sheep spends it`s entire life fearing the wolf only to be eaten by the Shepherd.
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
I`m feeling 22.. Pounds overweight.