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common sense is like deodrant. the people who need it thr most never use it.
I kind of like it getting dark so early because it gives me a great excuse to just stay inside and watch TV.
As soon as the Zombie Apocalypse hits I`m grabbing a sledgehammer and heading down to the local cemetery for the greatest game of Whack-A-Mole ever.
I`m only 2 girls short of a threesome.
In terms of procrastination, I had a very productive day.
With all the technology available now, you’d think they’d have found a way to grow apples without those little stickers.
Every load of laundry that I wash, dry, fold, and put away makes nudists seem less crazy.
Well, Thanks to SAMSUNG, flat screens are no longer `Flat`.
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
If you think about it, before the first mirror was invented, if you didn’t live near a body of water, you had no idea what you looked like.
facebook is the only book we read everyday.
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions
Divorce is what happens when two people win an argument.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for longer than 6 months.