Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A gun is like a coupon that works anywhere.
Some people should be very grateful I don`t have mob connections.
Is beer cheaper off the kids menu
Someone needs to take a chain saw to your family tree.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.
Don`t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can`t figure out who`s going to do it.
Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
Who picks up a seeing eye dogs poop?
I just told my wife it took her longer to pick a Netflix movie than it took me to pick out her engagement ring and that was a bad analogy.
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won`t understand how many calories are in it.
If I ever get arrested I am going to ask for a status update instead of a phone call.
It`d be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.
My Superpower is eating 5 times the "suggested serving" size.