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It`s not a real relationship until their zip code is in your Weather Channel app.
Looking back.. I think I preferred you when I didn`t know you...
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
Presidents’ Day is just another made up holiday to sell more presidents
Momma didn`t raise no fool. I did this all on my own.
This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do.
I got a free wallet and watch today. It`s like this gun is magic.
For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word shopping.
More celebrities should donate blood. I mean, imagine having the blood of Will Smith running through your veins.
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
My mother in law called me today and said? ”Come quick. I think I’m dying” I said, ”Call me back when you’re sure”.
Spoiler alert: Your `97 Nissan Sentra doesn`t need one.
You can always count on me to feel you up when you`re feeling down
The text message is the new greeting card, but without any hope that there will be money inside.
You know that little thing inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn`t? ... Yeah, I don`t have one of those.