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Maybe early risers just aren’t as awesome at sleeping as I am.
The only time I use the word “selfie” is when I am describing my sex life.
Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger`s property and make a non-negotiable demand.
God is creative... I mean look at me??
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of reasons why I drink in the first place?
I`m God`s gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
I try to conduct myself as a perfect gentleman whenever I meet a lady. Chicks dig that.
eHarmony matched me with a bean bag chair with duct tape on it
I’m not high maintenance, but rather precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.
I`m gonna name my son Wussell so people think he has a speech impediment.
I have tons of friends! Well i only have one... but she ways a ton!
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
I`m not saying i hate you but if you were on fire and i had water i would drink it
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up.
I dont run from my problems, I chase them ... with alcohol