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Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
Dear World, Stop saying "twerk."
If you answer the phone and say "Hello, you`re on the air." most telemarketers will hang up quickly.
If I weren´t such an alcoholic I would throw my drink in your face
My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.
I will be back in 5 minutes, if I am not then please read this again! :D
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough
Damn, it`s like these people have never seen anyone bring a flask to the gym before.
I just keep telling myself you guys don`t have sex either.
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched....well, at least that`s what the restraining order says.
I like my coffee like I like my men: caffeinated, made of beans, muscular, tousled hair, you know what, I don`t really know how to do this..
You can tell how old someone is by what part of the chex mix is their favorite.
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.
Oh, honey, you have gone beyond muffin top. That`s a busted can of biscuits!
Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my lovers hair. It`s a nice way to let them know my love and also that we`re out of napkins.