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Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn`t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.
Only thing harder than quitting cold turkey is quitting warm ham. It`s delicious.
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I`d say I`m about 74% Rice Krispies.
This is the third time someone in Liam Neeson`s family has been abducted, they really need to stop leaving the house.
CNN needs to reevaluate the use of Breaking News. Perhaps "Latest Speculative News" or "We Really Don`t Know Shit" would work. CNN call me.
"Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer
I took my family to Sea World this weekend, but i wasnt allowed in. Apparently you cant take your fishing rod.
We look like we are being productive, but really, we are just talking sh!t about co-workers and how drunk we got last weekend.
We all have faults. It`s just that mine are better than yours.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy but sometimes I let her sleep instead..
If your problem can`t be solved by me saying "damn" and nodding a lot, then you shouldn`t come to me for help.
exercise........you mean extra fries
I got caught peeing in the swimming pool today... The lifeguard shouted so loud I almost fell in.
I was bitten by a mosquito last night. Bet that little bastard is pretty hung-over today
If Wal-Mart ends up selling mortgages, the trailer market will explode.