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I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.
There are only two types of honest people in this world, small children and drunk people.
I feel like the majority of Eminem`s songs are just him reading from his diary with angry background music.
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
I do not gossip ... I pass things along ... It`s like a public service.
When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure, When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure, When you drink Whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems, When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems. Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
Just once would I like to see the "Phone a Friend" lifeline on Millionaire go straight to voicemail.
have you ever tried waking up in the morning? its horrible, the sun`s the wrong place and your head is so damn heavy.
I DON`T NEED ANYONE OR ANYTHING!!! (Except for Louie...the name I`ve given this meatball sub.)
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
Every Chrysler commercial should begin with them apologizing for the PT Cruiser.
Yes I stalk you, but only as a friend.
Its sad that we live in a world that puts words into the dictionary if enough stupid people use it.
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
If you can`t handle me at my worst I completely understand, because I can`t either.