Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If anyone tells you that you drink to much on the weekends. Stop talking to them...you don`t need that kind of negativity in your life
Life is basically trying to meet better people than the ones you currently know.
If you see me talking to myself don`t be alarmed. I`m getting expert advice.
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
Remember when there was more important crap to do besides Facebook all day? Me neither.
For Sale. Old batteries, free of charge.
My right thumb is in the best shape of my life.
I`m just saying it might be a good idea for Liam Neeson`s to take his family members to the vet and get them microchipped.
Elderly people used to always nudge me at weddings and say "You`re next."What got them to stop is when............I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
How does anything ever get done at the bubble wrap factory?
If you try to fail but you succeed which have you done?
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, Knock over a lamp, and kill a cat.
When someone wants to talk behind your back, FART!
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k … I don’t think I can run that far!
To avoid being eaten by zombies, go to Settings / Home Invasion Settings / Cannibalism / Brains, and then uncheck the "tasty" box.