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My bank account is more like a countdown to homelessness.
Alway be nice to anyone that has full access to your toothbrush.
DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good!
i dont drink any more and yet again i dont any less either
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
Stalking is such a strong word. I perfer the term surveillance expert.
FACEBOOK STORY: Add as friend – Approve -> Write something on wall -Intro – Everyday chatting – Ask number phone – Messaging – Calling – Meeting – Express love – Make relationship status – Hangout – Misunderstanding – Fight – Break up – Unfriend – Block !THE END
Just saw a homeless guy sleeping in a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. It must be his alarm system.
After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me " maybe life isn`t for everyone"
I will never forget the day when she said yes to me because that was the last time we agreed on anything.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.
Send me one more game request and I`m showing up at your house drunk, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister
If you have a Selfie Stick Pro, go back two spaces.
It’s a holiday. You know what that means… Ten million status updates saying the exact same thing. Get ready.