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I FINALLY "friended" my girlfriend on Facebook.. You know.. So I could get updates on our relationship status.. :|
If you’re gonna flip out on your Facebook, don’t delete it all the next day. Some of us still want to share your meltdown with our friends.
My New Year`s resolution for 2014 is to do something about my procrastination.
Snakes are terrifying because they can`t trip and fall over sh!t. No creature should possess such power.
I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn`t that what M.O.M stands for?"
People say that marriage is a job...marriage is not a job, its a hobbie!! Dating while you`re married...that`s a job!!
’Friday’ is my second favourite word starting from the letter `F`. :)
Just changed my wireless network name in my apartment to "I can hear you having sex through the ceiling and it sounds mediocre."
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
I think a good gauge of my personality is that I watch Homeland to relax.
The wet spot in my bed is tears
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it`s Santa Claus!" so I don`t have to get up.
just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards