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That awkward moment when im in the Airport, I walk through the metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off
If you think you aren`t creative, buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it.
WARNING:: going to bed on Sunday will cause Monday.
Prostitution must be a hole sale business.
If they have an Ice Cream Truck for kids why don’t that have a Beer Truck for adults?
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
Based on how many times I`ve dropped my phone, I`m gonna hold off on the whole baby thing.
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
My mother might be right.. I was the reason someone invented birth control.
is a mystery you´ll never solve
Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn`t recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me...
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.
When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can`t get any worse, please remember...I don`t give a s$it.
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1) You tried your best. 2) I don`t like pickles on my BigMac.