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Saw a post stating "taking it one day at a time," so I responded "me too. That`s how days work."
The best way to scare a man is to use the urinal stall next to him. This works exceptionally well if you are a woman.
I prefer to be crazy and happy rather than normal and bitter......
My husband told me that he would leave me if I didn`t give up all my bad habbits.....I nearly choked on my toe nail!
I now have permanent vision loss due to excessive eye-rolling at stupid idiots.
Getting my kids to the airport always feels like I`m recreating the first 10 minutes of "Home Alone."
Sometimes when my phones at 5% battery life I call back all the people I didn`t want to talk too.
My friend David had his ID stolen yesterday. We just call him Dav now
Well another funny thing about this status is, by the time your done reading this, you realize it talks about absolutely nothing and you just wasted your time. Welcome to Facebook.
I`m trying to lose weight by eating carrots and bran muffins. It`s a fiber-optics diet.
I`ll be busy tonight taking my girlfriend out to dinner and then having sex all night. Is what I`d be saying if I had money ... or a girlfriend
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?
Being a parent means often saying your child is shy rather than "he sees how creepy u are, that`s why he doesn`t want to shake your hand".
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1) You tried your best. 2) I don`t like pickles on my BigMac.