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You guys are even more beautiful now that I`m wearing my "wine glasses".
Sorry I yelled "April Fool`s" while you were proposing to your girlfriend.
I wish there was more BitStrips and photos of giraffes on my Facebook
says if you don`t like the way I live my life, than there is some good news... you aren`t me!!
I`m not crazy I`m just special! No wait maybe I am crazy.. One second, I have to talk to myself about this hold on...
Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
This donut scented car freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says “trust me, you don’t want to know.”
Plot twist: WebMD says you`re just thirsty
I`m not saying you`re stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
In the trailer for the fourth Transformers movie a guy says "what the hell is that" when a Transformer approaches. THE FOURTH MOVIE!
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat butterflies.
I went shopping for some camouflage trousers earlier. Couldn’t find a pair anywhere.