Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
is tring to fool people into thinking I have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.
Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinkyhead that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
If your girlfriend claims to never look at your Facebook profile, change your status to "single" and wait 5 minutes.
I have been tagged and poked so many times today, I may not be able to walk tomorrow.
Cool thing about winter is after grocery shopping your car can double as your refrigerator.
I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
You`re an intellectual who doesn`t read books? I completely understand because I`m an athlete that rarely moves.
My wife asked about my wildest sex fantasy, but she got pissed when I told her. I probably shouldn’t have started w/ “After your funeral...”
Hate cleaning my floors...how fast would I go to hell if I got a blind roommate and replaced his cane with a swiffer?
If you died and went to he!l, how long will it take you to realise that you aren`t still at work?
I`m so good, I scream my own name out during sex.
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
Roger that command center, we have arrived at our destination and will commence countdown..............Sir this is McDonalds how may I help you
The plural of beer is beer, which is very convenient when you are explaining to your wife why you were late coming home from work.