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That`s like asking the fat guy to watch the pie.
I wonder if any Disney managers ever start a meeting off with "What kind of Mickey Mouse operation are we running around here?"
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.
People who say, “Happy New Year” to you on the 4th of January are not really your friends.
And now it`s too hot outside to take down the Christmas lights
The problem with plants is that you have to water them… like more than once apparently.
I used to date a magazine editor. But, I broke up with her because she just had too many issues. No YOU shut up!
My mom says I`m special.
The Fourth of July was an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.?
I rather be a known drunk, than an Anonimous Alcoholic
"I love you unconditionally*." -God *certain terms and conditions apply. See Bible for more details.
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.