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A lot of people don`t realise that Shania Twain`s father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
Finally did it. 25 inflatable mattresses later and I’ve finally turned my apartment into a bounce castle.
"we can still be friend" .. is like saying "The dog died, but we can still keep him"
I always carry a lighter in case I end up at an impromptu concert...or need to set someone`s house on fire. Either way, I`m prepared.
Aren`t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know...The birth of Santa
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night... In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
did you notice when you yell "yo ugly" about 10 people turn around
"She really does suck!" could be a complement in the porn industry
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
If you still wear a Calculator watch, my guess is you don’t need it to add up all the ladies you get….
Fun Fact about me: The drunker I get, the more karate I know.
Cocaine dealers are always trying to stick their business in other people`s noses.